Time

The news in the staff room today revolved around the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI.  I was shocked at the announcement - I mean I thought Pope's were supposed to sign on to the whole "till death do we part" thing - only TO GOD not to some dude you will most likely divorce in less than 5 years.  But the big surprise came when a fellow teacher asked me if I was Catholic.  And I responded "yes". 

Now, this is new to me.  Whenever I have been asked this question on the past, I have answered "I used to be" or "that's what I was raised".  What on earth brought me to say "Yes" - yes, I am Catholic.  Yes, I am part of that church.  Yes, I have left my Pagan roots behind?

No.  No, I can't do that.  Granted, it has been a long time since I have practiced.  I have lovingly cultivated my herb collection and maintained my crystals, but I haven't actually DONE anything in a long time.  I have always chalked this up to having moved into a new house, had a child, gone back to work and having no time - but those are just excuses and I am letting them go.

It is time to get back to my faith, it is time to get back to who I am and to who I want to be. 

It is time for magick.

My Poor Herbs...

It seems I have been a bad bad green witch.  Upon moving into my new home, I had hoped that I would be able to overwinter my potted herbs in the (fairly sheltered) space under the front steps.  Unfortunately, I am seeing very few signs of life... I am thinking that I will have to start over.

The only plant that seems to be doing ok is the chives:

Here is the new plan: have fiance build a raised bed garden for the backyard.  I am going to start small, with a box that is 3 feet by 6 feet.  I plan to remove the sod from that area and dig down a few more inches (the soil underneath seems like a fairly equal mix of clay and sand).  This will allow me to fill it with good, healthy soil for my herbs and (hopefully) will allow my herbs to actually survive next winter.

An Explained Absence and a Big Announcement

For those of you who have been wondering where on Earth I have been hiding these last few months I would like to apologize and explain.  The reason I have been neglecting my blogging duties is because I am finding myself sick and tired a great deal of the time.  The reason that I am finding myself sick and tired is.........

I'm Pregnant!

It was a big shock, and I spent some time worried and scared to death but now things have settled down and I am happily awaiting the birth of my first child.  Though, I am very nervous about all the things I need to buy and the huge learning curve I am about to embark upon. 

Phobias

I have a crippling and debilitating fear of needles.  This fear has not had a great impact on my life because I have avoided shots and blood tests for a very long time.  However, as I get older, I am experiencing increased anxiety about the "what ifs" in life.  What if I get sick and have to deal with this on a regular basis, what if I avoid important testing because I am afraid of my reaction? 


I recently had a doctor ordered blood test.  I sucked it up, took a day off work and had fiance take me to the clinic.  Prior to this, my last blood test was 5 years ago.  I thought I would be ok.  I thought I might have gotten over the fear.  I thought "hey, I'm more grown up now, I can handle this".  I was dead wrong.  In the past, I have gotten worked up about the needle before entering the office.  This time, I was fine, chatting in the waiting area, following the nurse into the cubicle, sitting down in the chair.  And then I started crying, and feeling sick, and dizzy.  And then, for the first time in my entire life, I passed out.  Completely unconscious.  It. Was. Scary.  To make matters worse, because I passed out, the nurse was unable to finish and had to start over, on the other arm.  It was, easily, one of the worst medical experiences I have had in my life.  In fact, I am starting to feel a little ill while writing this.

Nobody seems to understand how difficult this is to overcome.  I have tried rationalizing: I know it doesn't hurt, I know the tests are necessary to my health and I know that nothing bad is going to happen to me while undergoing the test - telling myself those things doesn't make the anxiety stop.  I have tried deep breathing, I have tried visualization - nothing works. 

Has anyone else out there experienced a debilitating fear?  Have you had to deal with the "helpful" people who give advice like "just look away" (to which I think - OH MY GOD! I never thought about turning away! You have just solved ALL my problems!).  Have you found a way to conquer your fear?  I have gotten so desperate that I have considered seeing a therapist or hypnotist but don't know if anyone has found either of those options helpful.  Is there anyone out there who understands what I am going through?

SUCCESS!

Have you ever lost something and, despite wracking your brain for every possible location, you still can't find it.  I did this when I moved.  You see, every year I buy both Llewellyn's Datebook and Spell-A-Day Almanac.  I have a collection of them from quite a few years.  In fact, right now, 2011's versions are sitting on my "special" bookshelf just waiting for the turning of the calender page.  When I moved, way back in September, I lost both books.  I thought they would show up while unpacking, no such luck, I thought I might have left them at work and, with a newly organized desk - still no books.  It was driving me absolutely bonkers to see my collection marred by two missing volumes!
Tonight, I was determined to search everywhere and, if unsuccessful, finally give them up as lost.  I checked boxes and bins in the garage, under the stairs, the computer desk, my bedroom and finally sat down in my new "special" room and pulled what may very well be the first spell I ever memorized

Wolves and Faeries
Dragons and Ghosts
I've lost the thing I need the most
My planners are gone, they must be found
Whether lost above or below the ground
Bring them back as quick as can be
As I will, so mote it be*

Now, I had tried this spell before to no avail, but I think the extra oomph of the full moon pushed it over the edge because within minutes I was clutching the books in my hands.  They had been stored in a plastic bin with a ton of magazines, under the bed in the guestroom.  Does anyone else out there have any experience finding lost objects?  Or any helpful little spells that they have memorized for the mundane annoyances of life?

*I would love to give credit to the source for this spell but I memorized it so long ago that I have no idea where it came from.

Great New Song - Library Girl

I absolutely love this song. 

Happy Samhain

 Well, here I am.  All alone.  Fiance is on his ship for the next 5 weeks and I am spending my very first night alone in our new home.  At the moment I am listening to the Witches Brew Ha Ha podcast (a friend has been recommending it for weeks), reading Magical Housekeeping by Tess Whitehurst (review to come) and laughing at my two dogs as they desperately try to remove their Halloween costumes (Callie is a Witch and Poseidon is a Pirate).  I have had a grand total of 5 trick or treaters so far and am seriously hoping that more kids come by or I am going to be handing out some serious candy in my classroom on Monday.  My plan, is to do some magickal working (smudging and the like) tonight after I am sure that no more kids are going to show up. 

Here is hoping that everyone is having a safe and happy Samhain!

Just Not Feeling It This Year

Normally, I am thrilled for this time of year. Normally, I would break out the Halloween music weeks in advance. Normally, I would relish in the Halloween blogs and read scary stories until well past the witching hour. This year however, I'm just not feeling it. I haven't bought a pumpkin, I've barely glanced at most of my favorite blogs and I haven't even given a thought to plans for Samhain. I'm not sure what exactly is causing this disconnect. Perhaps it is the fact that I have just moved and am pre-occupied with getting everything just-so. Perhaps I am unable to look forward to the 31st as it is also the day that Fiance leaves for a 5 week stint at sea. Or, perhaps, my busy schedule leaves time for little more than sleeping, working, eating and bathing (occasionally at least hehe).

Have you ever felt that you just couldn't get into the spirit? Did you do anything to break the funk? Or just let it ride out and hope for next year?

FCK H8 - WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE

A Fantastic Video.  Really wish I could find a way to incorporate this in my jr high English Classes.....

Almost a Milestone!

Just noticed that I am at 99 followers.  Come on #100!!!